I went off my antidepressants as quickly as possible once I found out I was pregnant. I know logically that this is a good thing. It just doesn't always feel that way.

The thing is, I'm not quite sure what's going on with my brain. Is it some kind of clinical depression? Does run in the family a little. Or is it more of a situational depression, something I can get over by changing my surroundings/mode of thinking/doing something other than drugging myself?

Evidence would seem to suggest the latter. I get out of the house, I go places, I don't get hit by this nasty sense of "you are worthless and everything you've ever tried to accomplish doesn't work out and what do you mean writer, all you are is a dime a dozen self-published idiot who the hell are you kidding you suck". Inner voices. They're fun. Anyway. I've tried to keep track of when it hits. It's most always when I'm at home with Kaylee, and she's in a fussy mood. So I solve this problem by-- getting ready to have another kid. Heh.

I've figured out what the main trigger is, anyway. Been working to avoid that situation. It's kinda difficult at times, because 1) I don't drive (long story short; other people terrify me and that makes me a nervous/bad driver), 2) basically the only friends I have are online. Which translates into time in the house with a fussy baby if I want to socialize with other adults.

Trying to work out ways to fix this. Put in my name as a wannabe-volunteer at the homeless shelter; they're running into problems with opening and so I haven't gotten a callback. Used to be active in the theater, until I got a joyful lesson in the difference between "friends" and "people who put up with you". Small towns. They're also fun. When Chris is at work evening shift, I head over to my parents' house so I can be around other people. That helps.

Writing helps. Haven't been able to do much of that lately. Cowriter busy and my brain won't focus very easily when I'm doing stuff alone. Bouncing around a fanfic idea to help me get through the dry spell-- just a one-shot, nothing I can try to publish, so no pressure involved. Might or might not work. We'll see. Also thinking about posting some of those little wordcount-things in my LJ at least once a month for my main projects. Maybe seeing something laid out in a concrete way like that will be a good encouragement. Or, in the case of not enough progress, a good kick in the rear.

And this was just supposed to be a really short "dumb brain chemistry" grumble. But I do feel better now. As I said, writing helps.

So, got very little gas in the van; but at least we loaded up on groceries a couple of days ago thanks to our good friend the credit card. Which is nice, because payday was yesterday. And after paying bills, guess how much money we've got left?

$3.74.

I'm kinda tempted to spend that on lottery tickets. In the movies, it would work. . .

Now this is a news source I'll allow in the house. ;-)

-- Swept and mopped the kitchen floor
-- Vacuumed
-- Folded laundry
-- Cleaned the cat box
-- Put up frost-stuff on a couple of windows
-- Tore out the linoleum from under the sink and put down contact paper
-- Cleaned out the fridge
-- Started to paint the upstairs closet

Just busy categorizing recipes, going through my books, organizing story notes, getting ready to paint the upstairs office, and trying to keep an eye on Kaylee, who is now tall enough to reach the top of my desk. Eeek.

And because I really did intend to start answering these but instead keep forgetting because my brain won't keep information around for longer than 3.8 seconds:



Basically, my Yahoo sidebar in my mailbox alerts me to anything really huge going on, and reading my LJ friendslist also keeps me in the know. Slacktivist and Leonard Pitts Jr. articles are my newspaper-type sources, though I read them both online, too. ;-) TV news is not allowed in our house.

Went across the Royal Gorge bridge. Beautiful view, even though I was hyperventilating half the time (dumb fear of heights).

Got to talk with my cousin Jenny again! She is awesome, and I got her hooked on the Dresden Files. Yays.

Kaylee got to play with her cousin Brandon, who is so completely adorable I wanted to take him home.

Went up the cog railway to the top of Pike's Peak.

One of the favorite parts of the trip: going to the Aquarium.

One of the least favorite parts: having our car motor decide it hated us and was going to die. On the Interstate. We had to rent a U-Haul truck and car dolly to get the dumb thing home. There was $500 I wasn't expecting to spend. . .

Got home and found out the cats had acquired fleas in our absence. Cue me washing everything in the house.

Saw the Friday the 13th remake last night. Wasn't half bad. (of course, my love for Jared Padalecki could be influencing my opinion)

Off to write some story notes.

We went out to the water plant to talk to Chris for a few and see if we could get some pictures of the geese that live out there-- and we ended up getting pics of something else:



She's pretty young, and absolutely not afraid of people at all-- she just wandered across the parking lot and came within ten feet of where Chris and I were crouched at the corner of the building. Chris thinks she's made a home in one of the spare pipes lying around in the nearby field. She stalked across the field for several minutes, springing up into the air to pounce at things, and we followed at a distance. :-)

Why am I awake at this hour? *kicks insomnia*

You know what doesn't help? Opening the windows in the tiny room you're painting, and failing to realize that the storm windows are shut. *cough*

I think I'm getting addicted to Facebook. Kath, I blame you. ;-)

A doctor's visit revealed that Chris's 'cold' is actually strep throat. This has sent me on a Lysol-spraying frenzy of epic proportions in an attempt to keep Kaylee from catching it. Been a fun past couple of days. :-P

OMG. So Chris is in Kaylee's room with her tonight and I'm in our bedroom, and the baby monitor's on and I'm just about to go to sleep when I hear this laugh come over the monitor. Creepiest. Laugh. Ever.

We've picked up conversations and whatnot on this thing before, but GAH. brb, off to check the house for gremlins.

Freaking baby monitors.

The good: Going for a drive out in the country, seeing a very familiar and very unexpected shape out in a field . . . "Is that a camel?" Will upload pictures once my computer decides to start working again.

The bad: Further on down the road, seeing a sign advertising "Hunting Adventure! No license required; hunt all year round. Deer and exotic game". Mom and Chris agreed that while it would be fun, it would also probably be illegal to add "owner of hunting adventure" to the list of 'exotic' game.

The freaking annoying: Our theater has Bride Wars in, but not Defiance. I foresee a drive to Pittsburg in our future.

I like White Russians.

So Chris and I headed out at about 1 in the afternoon to go run some errands and whatnot. Then he drops me and Kaylee off at my parents' to visit for a while and goes to work.

Cut to 7:45 tonight. Mom drives us back to the house-- and we see the door standing wide open.

We back out of the driveway and I call the police. Two squad cars arrive in about five minutes or so, and the cops go through the house. They, fortunately, didn't find anybody. I go through it afterwards, while they're still here, to check if anything's out of place. ((as dad said, if anyone had come in, the computer would be gone)) Nothing.

Figure it must be that the door didn't quite latch and the wind blew it open, or that Chris and I did that wonderful comedy of errors where he locks the door and I unlock it a few moments later.

We thanked the cops and they left, and now the cats are wandering around the house sniffing everything. Two of them are, anyway. I know I won't see Daisy for another five or six hours yet. Thank goodness we have a screen door.

Anyway, I suppose this should reassure me, that the door was standing open for about seven hours and nobody came in. I'm still pretty sure I'm going to stay up until Chris gets home.

I am wearing my absolutely awesome Christmas present-- a t-shirt that says, "Careful, or you'll end up in my novel."

Life is good. :-)

Not dead, but my computer's still being worked on. I am sooooo behind on my friends list it's not even funny. Will be able to catch up with things probably by the first of the year! ((because either my computer's getting fixed by then or I'm going to catapult it into a lake and buy a new one))

Tell me not to max out my credit card.

So. Pretty.

Also-- custom horn hair barrettes.

I need to win the lottery. In the meantime, off to go find more things to buy once I do. :-)

Played around with a new layout today. Also, I may be just a little too addicted to that bumper stickers app.